SINCE OF THE NIGHT OF THE CRASH

Several weeks back at 2:08 in the morning I was abruptly awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of screeching tires and then a deafening crash. I still hear it so vividly in my mind and I tense as I remember it now. I ran outside in my pj’s with Scott close behind and my sister-in-law Jen following him. Many of my neighbors were heading out their doors as well. As I got to the sidewalk and looked down the street I gasped in complete horror. An SUV had crashed into my next-door neighbors' concrete retaining wall separating the hilly yard from the sidewalk. The car was smoking… and hauntingly silent. I did not see anyone in the driver’s seat. All of us on the sidewalk stood in silence as one of my neighbors, a jolly old guy from New Orleans, walked to the other side of the car where he called out in a somber drawl “I don’t know if he’s alive.” Several of us got on our phones instantly calling 911. It was busy, believe it or not. So we called our local police department. They were on their way. As we waited for the police to arrive I took in more of the sight before me. The white concrete wall was completely disintegrated exposing only the earth behind it. A massive 4 foot deep by 4 foot wide concrete column was knocked to the ground just inches from the car. The huge tree next to the street was gouged deeply. I hesitantly walked around to the other side of the car as many of my neighbors stayed back. I figured I could handle whatever sight lay on the other side. That is when I saw an image that forever will be engraved into my brain. Their was an unconscious man in his late 20’s / early 30’s hanging from his waist outside of the passenger window. I won’t go into all the gory details, but let’s just say he was losing blood fast. The police arrived and that is when a witness from across the street surfaced. The witness described the SUV going northbound on our street at about 85 miles an hour. (We live on a busy street, but not that busy) The car jumped the median and landed on the southbound side, bounced back up into the air and then came down right before the curb, which was when the car was then thrusted into the wall. The ambulance arrived quickly and they worked fast as they got the man from the car. The ambulance raced off taking the man, hanging onto life to the nearest hospital, leaving the police to finish assessing the scene, leaving the tow truck to haul away the demolished car and leaving all of us neighbors to remain there at the scene (our homes) in a haunted and stunned insomniac state. I prayed into the morning hours for the unknown man. As my home became light with the fresh morning sun, I continued to pray.

A sense of doom, (that’s the only thing I know to call it) enveloped me that night and has stayed with me for quite sometime. I still pray for that unknown man. I hope he is alive. I don’t know if he is. I have tried to contact the hospital, the police department; you name it, just to see if he is alive and stable. Still, after a month now, I don’t know if he has made it or not, but I will continue to pray.

Why do I bring such dreadful, morbid news to you today? Well, I tell you all this only to describe the journey it has set me off on. Like I said, I have carried with me an overwhelming sense of doom since the accident. That single event has caused me to reflect on my life and contemplate just how fragile our existence is, (something that I don’t usually do everyday) but, WOW when you do it changes your perspective on how you live life and what is important to you. I have questioned myself a lot while processing through what happened that June night. I have asked myself over and over again if am I living my life the way I REALLY want to or need to for that matter. Is my small little life making a difference in the lives of others both here in LA and around the world? How do I spend my time? Do I try to make the most of my days, even in the most monotonous activities? Am I living out the dreams that I have tucked away in my heart?

Being completely honest with myself and now completely honest with you, if today was my last, I would have to say that I WOULD regret that I have not fully lived out the things that are in my heart. One HUGE overwhelming desire in me is to go to people in need around the world and do whatever I can with whatever resources I have to help them. I have been trying to do bits and pieces here and there over the years to help people in different countries and here at home, but I feel like I need to do more. I want to start living out those dreams today that have seemed so huge for the present, but fit perfectly in the future.

Scott and I had long, deep conversations about how to start making this happen for me and for our family. Well, the next day after our first long heart to heart and no real concrete answers, a friend of mine, who is a doctor invited our family on a trip to Ensenada Mexico where a medical and dental team from Mosaic sets up a make shift clinic to care for the citizens there over a long weekend. These medical trips have been going on for years and happen twice a year to help the impoverished people who live in pieced together shacks in the hills of Ensenada. The scope of the trip, not only includes medical, but also includes improvements to the community and constructing homes for those in need. So, come one weekend in September, our family will go down to Mexico to paint and construct and embrace the people of Ensenada with love. Simply put, we as a family will do what ever we can to help our fellow man (and woman ☺). I have some ideas for the upcoming year that include Zane’s school, and a trip to an orphanage in Malawi Africa, but we’ll see how things play out. I just have this all consuming thing in me that won’t let me be. A feeling that tells me that no matter what country or culture we are from, we all really belong to each other and that we really need to look out one another.

That tragic and horrifying accident that caused that unknown man to crash into the wall next to my home has also caused me to crash into the buried dreams of my heart, challenging me to intentionally live them out in the now. I hope I will do just that.

What do your dreams look like?